Here you go Papa Bear.

It’s a question that has plagued man for decades. It’s a quandary akin to the “chicken or egg” debate. Volumes of text have been written and there are even websites dedicated to this issue.  It has been sore spot for women and the catalyst to many divorces. What is this diabolical question?

When the toilet was invented, was the seat up or down?

Now, I’m anal enough (bad pun) to do some half assed (2 in one sentence!) research. All I could find was the creation date and the evolution of our fantastic friend the toilet. But never a mention on whether the seat was down.

Sure, for aesthetic reasons the seat should be down, and maybe even after you take a foul smelling dump it’s used to conceal the smell. But does it really matter?

If you’re a woman reading this, quit saying ‘yes’.

It takes the same amount of time and effort to put the toilet seat up or down. Hell my toilet here at the house actually goes down slowly so that it doesn’t make a loud noise, all you have to do is tap it gently! So why should I be required to push the seat down?

Women say:
-It’s a courtesy, because what if I sit down without looking?

Ladies, that’s your fault, I always check where my ass hole is going to be sitting. I picked that up in prison.

-It’s easier for me?

Well isn’t leaving the lid up for me easier? I’m not sitting to piss, unless I’m wasting time at work.

You can tell I’m a gem of a husband, but I’m just saying there has never been a decree on what should be done. And if you women are tired dealing with it, make sure people who build and design homes start a urinal movement.

Maybe Duchamp’s art was a cry for the urinal movement, or maybe I’m just too lazy to drop the lid and I’ll try harder?

I’m glad my wife doesn’t read this blog, I’ll never admit to writing that last sentence