1) Sarah Palin is NOT the future of your party. Stop that crazy talk right now. If John McCain’s loss, as well as the loss of many republicans all across the nation (except for of course convicted felon Ted Stevens) proves anything, it’s that Sarah Palin was a bad idea. It wasn’t all her fault, but she was an embarrassment that your party could not withstand. And I’m not saying that because she’s a woman, or because I’m influenced by the liberal media filter or because I don’t like white people. I’m saying it because I saw the same interviews you saw, watched her attempt to answer the same questions, and she was absolutely incompetent. She was cited by several members of your own party as the reason why they were jumping ship and endorsing Obama - evidence of John McCain’s lack of good judgment. That is the bottom line truth, and if you refuse to see that because you kind of wanna sleep with her, you’ll definitely continue to suffer defeat. I know you like her winking and her charms and her “don’t cha knows” and “gosh-gollys” and rosy cheeks and rather strong but still feminine looking jaw line. But you need intelligence on your side right now. You need smarts. Your adversaries have them. You should have them, too. And not deceptive smarts, the kind of country dumb stuff that got you so hooked on the Bush crack pipe, but upfront, “I have read a book and I know what I’m talking about and I’m not a person you wanna have a beer with because I don’t spend all my free time drinking beer” smarts.

2) Projection doesn’t work anymore. Calling your opponent what you actually are yourself so that they can’t call you that first is not a good tactic. It’s bad because it makes you say ridiculous shit like “Obama is an ELITIST!” when your legislation is clearly in favor of those very same elite you want Americans to rebel against, or “Obama is a SOCIALIST!” when you also voted for the 700 billion dollar bail out which socializes the debt your deregulation caused. See how it gets hard to follow after a while?

3) You are not the “realists.” Yes, the realization of having a black president, one who ran on the platforms of change and hope may make the Democrats seem like they have been the most ideological, which would allow you to talk shit about them living in fantasy worlds. But you’re clearly the idealists, the fantasizers who hated Obama because of the threat of taking away money you don’t make, from businesses you don’t own, and stopping you from buying homes you can’t afford. The democrats have taken the “realist” label from you, because having a Black president is no longer a lofty expectation or dream. It’s a reality. A reality brought on by the desperation of the times your crimes, corruptions, and greed created. And I know that you’re already spinning your wheels trying to come up with the new religion based, ideological wedge issue (abortion, gay marriage, Islam, terrorism) to turn the country back on your side while your loyalty still remains to the private sector and its continued concentration of wealth. You’ll definitely make gains on that front as you always do. But consider how little those issues meant this time. Consider how disconnect you revealed yourself to be when you brought them up in your campaigns and saw little or no result or change in the polls. Consider, just for a moment, that those issues aren’t really issues anymore, but weapons. You’ve reduced them to mere strategies, sticks with which to herd your sheepish supporters, playing on the fears that their religions make them vulnerable to. The hawkish manner in which you’ve used your own contempt for your supporters’ intelligence to get them on your side is astounding. It’s a wonder 55 million people still came out to vote for you, most of them against their own economic interests. But after 8 years, I’d say it was more force of habit than actual conviction. That and stupidity.

4) Stop trying not to talk about Bush. Bush is what got you here. Your support of Bush is what created this situation. Recognize it, accept it, and learn from it. Don’t keep doing the same things you did to get Bush into office. Realize that it not only destroyed your party’s brand and reputation, but completely bastardized what you claim your party is supposed to be about. You can’t claim to be for the working class American when your policy is so clearly in support of what ails him and his family. Transparency brought on by the speedy travel of information allows people to see through this bullshit too easily. SO come up with more bullshit, better bullshit. Bullshit that seems transparent, but really isn’t. Either that, or do what you actually say you want to do and fight for the working class American. Ahh, who am I kidding? He doesn’t make enough to waste time on, right?

5) STOP TALKING ABOUT RONALD REAGAN, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! He wasn’t Superman, or Jesus, or anyone else you try to evoke when you mention his name. As a matter of fact, you’d probably have been better off trying to get voters to reminisce about Michael Jordan than him. At least they remember him more recently than fucking 28 years ago. And Jordan is a minority, something else your party needs. The next time you feel yourself about to talk about Ronald Reagan, bite your tongue until you taste blood and if that doesn’t keep you from wanting to utter his name, beat yourself over the head with a hammer until you feel sleepy. Then, lay down and go to sleep. In other words, kill yourself.